I Would Still Choose You | The Primal Happy Place

start here


The Primal Happy Place

Getting back to the basics of what makes us happy and healthy.

I Would Still Choose You


A year ago my first grand child was born. Little Audrey Veronica was born to my 19 year old daughter.  It was not how I would have planned for her life to go, but now I can’t imagine not having Audrey a part of the family.  We are all better because of her. 

That evening, a year ago, was such a powerful experience.  It was the first time I was able to witness the joy of new birth without being the one doing all the work.  It was also an amazing opportunity to see my own baby girl become a mother.  That tiny little life was not mine. She was Sarah’s.  There is great holiness to be found in observing the bonding of mother and daughter during those first moments of introduction, especially when the mother in this case used to be the baby I experienced a similar moment with years earlier.  After all the times I have been there for Sarah, she was now moving forward on her own into a relationship solely theirs.  I was now just an observer. 


In days that followed Audrey’s birth, I was asked several times how it felt to be a grandmother.  Of course, I said that I loved it; yet truth be told, I really didn’t know at that point.  For me, during those early days, my primary focus was on my daughter. More than being a grandmother, I was a mom to Sarah. I worried about her recovery. I worried about her postpartum mindset. I grieved for the fact that she was all alone in this new journey. Yes... my husband and I were there for her as much as humanly possible; yet, she was still alone in the wee hours of the night.  I could help her with advice and encouragement, but she was ultimately alone in the final decisions.  I begged for God’s grace and strength on her behalf countless times.  



It’s hard to fathom that we have traveled a full year since those days.  Now I feel like a grandmother.  Sarah is standing strong and doing great.  Those hard beginning adjustments are over and she is now having real fun with her one year old.  There is the joy of walking.  Solid food has finally become interesting to her.  She is crazy about her aunts and uncles, especially Auntie Mary.  It seems that she only bites those who are her favorites. (I have never been bit, but Ella gets it a lot.) Daily I see the reflection of her drama queen mama in my little granddaughter.  What a pleasure it is to see the life you created, formed, grown and loved be recreated into a whole new creation.  


Now that we have moved into a new town, I have had to introduce my clan several times. I know most people assume that the little baby being passed back and forth is mine.  However, without flinching, I present my grand baby to the new faces.  I can see the processing going on behind their eyes.  Sometimes, I relieve their curiosity and point out my daughter who is the mother of the baby.  That piece of information answers their questions, but I am sure there probably comes a little bit of judgment, not intentionally for the most part, yet I know it’s human nature.  But for me, I simply don’t care.  It really doesn’t matter how Audrey came to be a part of our family... I’m just glad she did.  Every day that I have the opportunity to behold that beautiful creature, I am reaffirmed with the truth that God’s grace and mercy often comes in the form of an infant.  Little arms and legs, crying lungs, sleepless nights, mind blowing frustrations, total life alterations, and the deepest experience of love a woman can feel are all powerful testimonies of God’s love for His wandering children.  I still firmly believe that God did not PUNISH Sarah with a pregnancy, He blessed her.  As I’ve said before, He could have gotten her attention in many other ways.  Audrey is just the most gracious way and I am eternally thankful that He choose it.  


                                        Happy birthday Audrey Veronica. 

                                        You were born into one crazy family, but this family is pretty crazy about you!


Most Recent Post...
I have lost 5 babies to miscarriage. As anyone who has experienced the lost of a pre-born baby can attest, there are a range...