December 8, 2014
It’s been a difficult few weeks for my waist line.
I love reading and learning about natural health and nutrition. Discovering how ingenious the body is at healing itself and learning the ways in which it should move and function thrills me to the core. The problem is that I have a hard time always living out what I know and believe to be true. Typically, I am a pretty strong-willed individual. When my mind gets set on something, it rarely changes. However, the will of my mind and the will of my body are two different components.
I had a great couple months in the fall where I stuck to a very difficult elimination diet. It was great. I managed to drop a couple pounds, though I wish I had the success that some claim and lose 50 pounds in 30 days. The best benefit I did experience was my energy level and overall good feeling. I sleep better and have a more consistent energy level during the day. However, I have to keep telling myself that the numbers on a scale are not the most important indicators of health. I know, since I do a lot of reading on this topic, that our weight is just a sign of our health. I need to focus on healing the underlining issues that are preventing me from dropping those 50 pounds. Even though my brain believes that it will take me years to get into the health and pant size that I desire, I get frustrated when it doesn’t happen quickly. Restoring health is a slow, long journey, especially at my age. I can’t expect the fast results I had in my twenties or thirties.
Well, that said, I do have moments of despair when it’s easy for me to throw in the towel and fall off the wagon. The truth is... I am all bruised up from my tumbles off that darn wagon lately.
Tis the Season
Maybe you are stronger than me. Maybe you don’t have my crazy chocolate addiction. Maybe the holiday stress doesn’t make you fall off your diet. Or maybe you know how to enter “party mode” during the time between Halloween and Christmas without turning into a complete sugar craving, naughty food eating, “Oh, it’s only for this one evening. I’ll be better tomorrow.” freak! If that’s the case, please figure out a way to mail me some of your saintly will power and nerves of steal.
Since Halloween, I have made great attempts to keep this freaky version of myself at bay. I do well for a day (or at least half a day), but then I cave. This year has proven to be exceptionally stressful for me which has only brought more desire for “party mode Linda” to reside here. Every November or December, I attend a huge conference where my husband and I have a mini reunion with dear friends and acquaintance from throughout the country. It’s an exhausting weekend, but I love having that time to reconnect. Every year I have serious ambitions to be in great shape for that conference. I want people to see the results of the hard work I have done all year at getting healthy. The problem is that by the time this conference arrives, I have been in my weakened holiday party mode for a month already and most of my success I had experienced is already lost to weakness. I get frustrated with myself every year.
WHEN WILL I LEARN?
I don’t know if I will learn. Maybe the rest of my health journey will be the whole “three steps forward, two steps back” experience. Maybe the only advancement I make in a year is a couple pounds and a little more energy because by the time the holiday season is over I have ruined it all.
However, there is one problem with this possibility.
I KEEP TRYING AND HOPING.
I am too stubborn to completely give up. I keep believing that one day I will manage to live out in my body what I know to be true in my mind. Maybe this is the year that I will do it. Maybe by the time the next conference comes around, I will be happy with the progress I have made. I certainly can’t stop trying!
So, here I am sitting in my comfy chair, drinking my own coffee in the peace of my own home (yes, there is peace in this crazy house sometimes) and believing that today I will be good. Today, I won’t eat the bad stuff. Today, I will get my exercise done. Today, I will feel better about myself when I lay my head on my pillow. But if that doesn’t happen, I always have tomorrow.
I have often wished that I lived in ignorance. I wish I didn’t know the things I know. Then I could live in peace with myself and just continue down the path to illness without beating myself up over it. But that just won’t happen. The battle between my mind and body will continue on. I must keep restarting after I fail. I must keep hoping that I will be healthier.